GUESTS VERSUS CLIENTS!

Expectations vs Agreements. Has this ship sailed yet…

“If you don’t invest very much, then defeat doesn’t hurt very much and winning is not very exciting”

As a 🧠mindset coach, I was called into immediate action to an amazing Facebook thread to answer a concerning question that most beginning coaches in the industry worry about…

The question without a drum roll ARGHH! IS…

“Do we call the people we are in service to…

Clients or Guests.?

It has a Shakespearian thrill to call them “Guests”, or If you’re from the Freudian era, you may call them in your office as “Clients.”

I’m a mindset coach, and when I invite people into my house I invite them into my online conference calling platform or into my actual office for a one-one interaction. As they are here for a temporary stay of residency as I am testing the waters of the ship that we are about to set sail onto the seas and see how they powerfully show up in our presence before we decide to take on that epic journey out into the mindset waters out to the voyage of the sea to navigate our direction towards what we say we want and make sure we take the actions to attain what it is we are seeking in this one great voyage we call LIFE.

So, when they are in my house I call them Guests — You're Welcome HERE!

Photo by Belinda Fewings on Unsplash

Because I want you to stay longer if it serves us both with the powerful agreements that we make with each other so we can serve each other in a deeper plane of existence so we can together powerfully fight the good fight of the higher good of excellence we are in search of…

There seem to be two sides to every argument. There seem to be two sides concerning every conversation.

Are they a “Guest” vs “Client.” At the end of the day, we are in search to seek out the truth of our inner knowing, to build them up as a person to find their guiding way through something greater than where they are at present time.

Whatever the truth is for each of us is what we know as a belief of fact or a thoughtful reactive feeling. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what you say just what you believe to be right in your heart for yourself, then guess what without further adieu you are right. If you are seeking the truth on anything it takes a deeper dive of a constant search of your personal heartfelt solution of how you want to show up powerfully in offense or defense mode with your guest. I like offense, I know where I stand right away without waiting to see what they do which could take a certain amount of time and waiting for something to happen.

Words are weapons choose them as wisely.

It goes back to the paper and plastic dilemma. Do you want paper or plastic? Have you ever been confused by this…

WHAT? NEVER MIND. (READ ON)

I call them “Guests,” as they are guests in my house, my home, my place of life business where I conduct myself with my knowledge, skills, and expertise to serve them beyond the call of duty, because to be invited to my house and be able to stay for a certain agreed upon time frame of value there eventually has to be some agreed upon by both parties to act appropriately on both sides of our room.

We have to make powerful agreements on our non-negotiable rules that may come up over time, or right away from what I observe in the time remaining. Instead of the expectations that usually rear their ugly heads later as time goes by and they have settled into the stasis of the relationship we created by being exceptionally comfortable. When different things take on a more settled undefined meaning to what is tolerable and what is intolerable here? Please don’t leave that on my floor.

Photo by Rick Mason on Unsplash

As Coaches, we make strong verbal agreements of how we should show up as best ourselves, which in turn grooms us as a Professional Coach, not a monkey wrench coach as to how we conduct our sessions, and to conduct our self to what we expect from our guests through making these powerful agreements that help us own our selves and stand the test of time through the challenging changes that will be tested through your time together as the client may face major failure to reach their success.

You are a Guest in my house. I will even say that sometimes.

“Welcome, guest. Welcome to my home”

Try this “Welcome client. Welcome to my office.” For me, it doesn’t ring the same. It’s off putting. It puts people in a defensive posture.

“Welcome, I’m happy to see you here. Have you ever experienced a coaching session? ”

Especially, when they haven’t even invested in themselves, yet, investing any overseas money into your bank account before you set sail 😃. I call them guests because I am inviting them in to see the possibilities if we work together, as the conductor of my own auditions, we will be investing the time to audition us to see if we desire to further work with each other. Also, we have to make sure that you are going to “Do The Work,” and live the big life that you are seeking…

As a “Guest” in service to themselves with a high regard for change will follow the (agreements) that we as coaches ask of them during our time together, if they will do the work as we agree on our weekly tasks of what I call “Adult Homework” when I am not there and come back with the objectives carried out and more questions to seek a deeper way towards that which they are searching for on the uncharted waters.

This proves our true essence together that we desire them to remain as a Guest in our house if they continue to “Do Our Work.” We can both show up more powerfully and get what it is we seek out of this relationship. If they don’t follow what we ask as coaches, then our powerful coaching relationships we want to set sail is not needed.

Some coaches are afraid of there Guests becoming to friendly because then they won’t invest in your services. Well, then “State Your Purpose.” Be in control of your words. Be in integrity with your actions. Conduct yourself as a powerful professionally gifted coach because you are.

Offend to defend what’s unnegotiable for you in this relationship. Don’t invest in the long haul and then find out down the line that you both have wasted your time, money, energy and will to move forward. Be upfront on what you expect NOW! Be as courteous as possible or as direct with tact as possible. You will offend most people and other people you will not, because they showed up for a guide to eventually see the gold through the forested trees. See what works for you. Test this out, experiment with your methods. discard what doesn’t works. Take on what does work. Look for the shine.

I am also going to list and update from my perspective some exemplar like examples later on down the line that relates without relating to the invitation of our house through our everyday agreements when you go over someone else’s house.

The great coaching manual, “Prosperous Coach,” a well-spring of things to incorporate as a Professional Coach in your coaching practice niche, so you can show up powerfully as a coach, a friend, a manager to a conversation to get there best selves out of them that you can. I advise a read if you’re serious about your profession. If you are serious about any profession take a deeper dive into that world. Know up front to be a professional you have to be an amateur. It’s all stumbling blocks and stepping stones.

Eventually, Guests will become professional friends. This takes time, patience, energy and enthusiasm as you cultivate this ongoing relationship. Your guest has to earn the right to be in your house with you by following your rules.

“When People Invest, They Invest Their Attention”

Many ways to attack this in a cordial manner. Heres one sample below

“Hey Hilda, while we are coaching here together I want to develop a powerful relationship with you. How I do that is by making powerful agreements with my guests before we move on to the next step. I want to be able to show up powerfully for you. I want you to show up powerfully for me during our time together on this pale blue dot. Does that make sense? For me to do that, I have to lay some guidelines on how our wonderous relationship will take form over time. As of right now, you have your own friends, and I have enough friends. We both have enough friends. Right now as your coach I’m going to say some things to you that you may or may not like, because your friends, family and colleagues will just agree with you. Where I will challenge you to help you change yourself. Eventually, over time we will probably form a friendship as that cannot be helped. Right now our job is to set you up for success. For me to get you to be your best I will have to challenge you where you see things as right. The same that my coach does for me, I will do for you. Yes, I have a coach. Right now for us to show up powerfully in this coaching session together each week. I have some things I would like to discuss with you. When we show up here together we show up powerfully here for each other. What I mean when I say that is I expect us to show up on time when we are scheduled to be here at these sessions, be open-minded to try something new that you haven’t thought of to form what’s to come by us setting up agreements for both of us, to do the invested work over time that we agree on each week that is agreed upon by both of us. If you need to cancel for any reason I need 48 hours advanced notice or the session will be a missed session, no makeups. Our job here is to help us dust the stuff off from where you are at to where you want to go in this one great life. Can we agree on that? We show up ready to do the work each week as if our life depended on it because I believe it does, and we both keep an open mind of what can come out of this relationship. Can we agree upon that?”

**This is a start. Cater your own tone to this. I believe this is a beginning point to the powerful agreement you want to make for your client. You are all intelligent beings just doing the best that you can, and probably have a much better approach then I have. Go for it! FSU! This has worked for me and I’ve probably since changed it since I wrote it as I am always tweaking to make better.

For some, you might not like this approach because it’s off-putting on the first date. I would wait until they are your clients before you start this. It’s all up to you. Use your feelers. Some people wait to make agreements when they happen more than once. When you don’t address problems, you help create them, and when you help create them by allowing them to appear over time, you tolerate them.

Especially, on the first date. This girl asked me out for dinner.

I said, “That sounds great. Let’s do it!”

We make plans. We show up. Have a cool night. She goes to the bathroom when the check arrives. I mean, she was okay nothing to write mom home about. I wasn’t head over my heeled shoes about the date. I wait for her to come back from her long hang out in the bathroom. Okay, I get it! A girl has to go. I hear what you are thinking.

I say “ Do you mind if we split the check? I’ll leave a nice tip though.” (Big charming smile) She goes unbegrudgingly blank, dives into her pocketbook. I guess she wasn’t too thrilled with that approach. We both were brought up differently.

We both had nothing to write Mom home about at that point. She struggles to bring out the cash. I hear some exasperated sounds. (My smile wanes) I realized we didn’t have some powerful agreements beforehand that could have made this go a lot smoother or we could have moved on to form another relationship with someone else... Maybe we should have had a conversation over cake and coffee before diving into an expensive dinner. I’m forming my own judgments, fears, and criticism in my head at this moment as “Darn, I should have gone and played pool with the boys.” I’m thinking, “She probably does this all the time and gets a free dinner out of most guys, not this one.”

She says with a wounded tone “I thought we were friends.” I said, “Yes, friends usually pay for themselves.” ( I bit my tongue as I had more to say as she wounded me in some weird way)

I asked, “Are you hurting for money?” She looked at me aghast by this simple truthful question.

She dropped her anger and looked at me and said, “No, I’m not, I always learned that guy pays for everything.”

I said “ Oh, really. That’s funny because my mother taught me to go dutch until you know the person in front of you better. That they should be responsible for themselves? Is that all right?”

She paid less than her half. I felt this date was on the way out to a walking plank suicide, so I nitpicked it and said you owe me $1.50 more. I stretched the $20.00 tip to make the point that I am leaving a fat tip. (Pull twenty dollar bill twice to make stretchy sound here)

We walked a bit. I asked her about “How she was brought up?” keeping it friendly. We actually had an in-depth conversation that went better than presumed. Without knowing we had made our first agreement in the moment.

I stopped, I bought us coffee as we got more engaged with each other as we became truthful as we had some friction that led to release.

She reached to grab money. I said, “No, I have the coffee, I am interested in learning more about you. I thought you were going to flip the table after that conversation and run out of the restaurant.” She smiled at me the way a Queens girl does. I owned myself. She owned herself.

THE LESSON…

Basic, strong agreements help people establish boundaries and any mishaps. Boundaries are great. Between structure and freedom lies flexibility.

GUESTS

As I am a Guest in another Coaches house when I mess up, he calls me on it right away and doesn’t hold back with his agreements. I have no room to hide. I’m naked in his house looking for a corner to hide my boy full thoughts that are all revealed to him with my presence. Sometimes you have to stand there and face the music with all of your junk out to sort through it to find the righ actions. Be mindful and get to the bottom of your pile as quickly as possible so you can find the solutions that will raise the bar on your life. The longer we wade into the pollutions of our comfort zone the longer the solution gets mired in doubt and inaction. Does that make sense?

My coach will step on my thought throat with his words sometimes to instill my congruency in my action(s). I’m usually in agreement as I went through several coaches until I found the right one that really upset me towards change…

I personally, don’t like leaving a session as if I’m elated on cloud ten, because nine felt so good to float on. I like to be a bit upset which means I’m pushing for greatness, instead of a slow steady uphill rise of steady mediocrity with a cane up a mountain.

I felt better when I knew my challenges and feel better knowing that I have more work to do and found that when I leave not feeling so good at a session, for me it’s as if I left something not so nice on his rug in his house to pick up for next week that should not be on his carpet of action undone. I want to serve myself, my coach as powerful as he is serving me. I know I need to show up more powerfully to “Do The Work.” When I choose to do this, I do this as a Guest and “Do The Work!” I become more powerful in all that I do. I help my coach keep his house clean and make it better for others he serves by serving him, by the service-oriented relationship that we create together, instead of removing the “P” on the ship and placing a “T,” which most of us have with people when we don’t want to move forward with ourselves to reframe our change.

I create a relationshi-p that can set sail, navigate the changing course ways, the waterways of life with a planned action Vision of determined destination and the journey ahead as we plug the holes of the ship, repair the broken boards, straighten the bow towards destiny, re-twine the frayed ropes of mediocrity, go headstrong through the hellish hurricanes, typhoons, and endure the forceful stamina of the wind while re-navigating the course correction that we make on the way as we sail on through the waterways of life with faith, courage, smiling as we replan, and work on our bright line willpower to keep moving forward and going through it all…

SCREAMING “GOD WILLING!” DEO VOLENTE’

Establish your bright line boundaries when you invite your Guest in for a deeper more powerful coaching conversation, instead of your fuzzy lines with gapping spaces that get clouded up with inactions that don’t move either of you forward. Leaving the ship at harbor is not what a ship is meant to be used for...

BRIGHT LINES OF ACTION(S)

I believe when you say this word “Client.” You’re distancing yourself from them as they are subservient to you, your role, and responsibility is of ego, not service. Most coaches that do this need coaching themselves as they have postured themselves defensively in order to be the one in charge or seeking out a dependency on your client to be selfish.

It’s always good to own where you are at with your power even when you begin to scale your trail of life. I will only serve under a coach that is going through coaching him or herself. We cannot possibly go as deep with our Guests as we have gone with ourselves.

Unless you are a counselor. I still believe that using the word “Guest” is of a more professional status when they are in your house.

WHEN CREATING GUESTS IN OUR HOUSE…

While creating coaching guests in the process some of them become friends. Maybe, you don’t want to work with them but you want to work with them in some other way, in the future when they are ready for your services. I notice sometimes it takes a few years for people to really be ready when they have reached the road of wit’s end.

I’ll ask them as I drop in from time to time with people who I would like to work with to check in on them to see where they are in their progress of where they are and where they said they wanted to go when I’m opening up more creative space in a Group program.

Creating guests sometimes takes time. Creating a clientele you want to work with takes time, patience, energy, and therefore no loss of enthusiasm to create this relationship over time. Sometimes they need to sail the boat on their own to get lost. Sometimes it’s forever and that’s their choice. Like a boat, it’s navigating towards you or away from you… I would rather invest in a relationship with someone that can help me get to where I need to quicker as speed is power…

YEAH! Hummers!

I personally use the “Prosperous Coach,” approach as a guide for help, which is an excellent book written by Rich Litvin and Steve Chandler which is a strong recommend who have developed an absolute solid approach to coaching that is divine and it is a softer, gentler approach to coaching. This also gives you time to audition your clients to do their best work for them before you decide to invest your knowledge, skills, and applied abilities to your actions in their powerful strife for a better transformational transcendence to life.

So, let me ask you what are you doing to create GUESTS in your house?

What’s your process of look like? We would all love to know.

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW… LET’S HELP EACH OTHER…

Create yourself as the Authority figure through suggesting powerful agreements that can be inspiring to you both as you create a great life, this can be made over time or right up front. Set up what you expect as a powerful-powerful agreement between you both before you allow them into your house as a guest. It’s your business. It’s your life. It’s your relationships that you create.

Remember: “Business is love, business is personal. Business is personal love.”

So give your personal touch while creating agreements with guests who you want to invite and create in your house again and again and again.

How you want to be treated in the house you built is up to you again and again and again...

I suggest filling your house with as many guests as possible against ones that don’t follow your rules. The ones that conduct themselves per your agreements can stay and have some caviar. The others can leave by opening up the door taking the garbage with them, and letting themselves out kindly thanking them for there time. You only want to serve the people that respect the agreements in your house, in-kind who want to DTW.

They don’t want to invest in, being in your house anyway. Let them leave you’ll be better for it. Why when we keep them against there will in your house by force that would be keeping them prisoner against there will. We don’t want to do that because, in essence, we keep ourselves in prison with them as your trying to free them they are building the cage around you both.

Photo by Oskars Sylwan on Unsplash

While Creating Powerful Agreements of your expectations between both parties. Also, being flexible as your agreements may adapt and change as the dynamics change. Don’t let them dictate something unless it’s been thoroughly discussed with you and you both come to an agreement that’s challenging. Some relationships are meant to pass in the night without another thought as you cannot help those who wish not to be helped. I sometimes look out the window wishing these people could see the greatness that I am offering them as a gift. Also, look in the mirror from time to time and truly ask yourself are you showing up as powerful as you possibly can to this conversation or anything in your life.

You are possible. You are strong. You are courageous for choosing this profession. You are more than you think you are, especially if you are reading this article and really hearing me say that to you.

How you treat your Guests in your house will be reciprocated in the same way you treat yourself. You get what you put in. Read between your own lines and figure out for yourself what your powerful agreements are for yourself.

Is it ego based or service based? This is an excellent question to start with “Do The Work,” for yourself before you ask others to do the same. Come from a place of power to be of service.

The agreements that you need to have with your HouseGuests.

I’ll interpret what lies beneath each of them later. Some things you will need to repeat as you notice these come up for you during your sessions.

HOUSE RULES

1. Please remove your shoes at the door when entering my house, because I don’t want to track anything outside in. If you do please take it outside once we figure out what is on your shoe.

2. Excuse me, when you use the bathroom be sure to turn on the fan as circulation is bad in here. You can smell what your cooking. I see what smells and would love you to address that smell before it permeates your life. Please keep it out of here

3 A conversation you may have when you are steeped in your power.

Do you drink water, lemonade or chocolate milk?

No, do you have soda?

No, I have water, lemonade or chocolate milk that I am offering at this time. Would you like one of those choices? That’s all I have. You are welcome to go to the store down the road to pick that up for yourself.

No, I’ll have water. Do you have lime?

Yes, would you like a slice of lime on the edge of your glass or a squirt in the glass?

Yes, a squirt in the glass would be great.

You got it! Is there anything else I can get you?

No, I’m good for now.

Yes, I am taking a bit to the extreme and hope this makes sense to you hitting the notes below the notes.

4.”Hey Marge, please don’t feed my dog food under the table he has indigestion and pass noxious fumes everywhere and then releases a vile stream of puke on the carpet. I have him on a special diet. I would appreciate if you don’t do that again.”

She can either speak to you in pigeon English and say “Fung Ku” or “Will Do.”

I think you all get my meaning. These are rules in stone at my house. If any of these non-negotiable rules are violated. I will not have my guest back in my house. I dictate how we both show up to my house and make powerful agreements. Some things you can always be flexible on, others need to be kept constant. Tell them what they can do and cannot do while they are a guest. It’s up to you to show up powerfully, not a bully, but powerfully as a coach as a professional.

Sometimes, I will make non-negotiable agreements with my clients beforehand as showing up on time is one of them. I do understand that things do occur. If I notice a pattern developing or it happens right out of the gate. I like to nip it in the bent over the moon. Other times, I make powerful agreements with my Guests during the first month and play it by ear as this is a challenge for them, helping them move one lesson a time that may serve them for their entire life if they see how they are showing up for themselves through your guidance.

For example:

I had a Guest we’ll call him Cecil. We had a one-on-one session at my office. The first time he showed up late by ten minutes, which I let go and thought nothing of it. Then it occurred again during the next appointment like a good investigator I stayed calm and just observed his process. Also, testing him out. He poured himself into my office, frantic, out of breath, apologetic in many singing tones. I decided to bate him a little further to play the life is a battle game he has been playing this well of being okay with doing late. Some people do late there whole life and they are okay with that

I said, “Do you need to use the bathroom?” He said, “Yes, I’ll be right back!”

5 MINUTES PASSED.

I asked, “Would you like something to drink?”

He said “Yes.” I said, “There is coffee, tea or water in the kitchen you can go help yourself. Also, lemon is on the bottom shelf.”

5 MORE MINUTES PASSED AGAIN

Now, he’s 25 minutes late to a meeting that lasts 45 minutes. He sat down was drinking his hot tea. Took his jacket off and arranged himself. he finally seated

I said, “Hey, it’s great to see you. ”

He said, “You too!”

I said, with a smile “Hey, I wanted to point out to you, your 25 minutes late to this meeting, which leaves us now, 19, possibly18 minutes left to go through our session. Before you say anything, I would like and appreciate if from now on you can show up right on time, possibly even 15 minutes before our meeting, so you can be on time go to the bathroom, grab some hot tea and be focused on our next session, ready. It will serve us both powerfully to be respectful of our time. I have a question in our remaining time that I would like you to answer for yourself.

“Where else does you being late show up in your life?”

How has being late affected you?

He burnt his lip on his tea as expected before answering this question with detail. I timed it right :) From that time on he was never late again. he showed up powerfully. This is something we both worked on which greatly affected his life, his confidence changed and his personal awareness around time management skills instilled in him making that one powerful agreement set the bar and force multiplied him to a new state and stage where he made incremental improvements in each step of the way. He was late a few times and fully accepted responsibility for himself as he was working on the change he wanted to see. We all say we want this change, but when we drill down do we truly want this change that we seek or is it just thought of well.

Constantly challenging your guest’s beliefs is the name of the fame game by having them powerfully make better decisions and making strong verbal agreements which can adversely affect their progressive assessed measures. If it went the other way around and he stormed out of my office. S/he doesn’t want to make a change and is better keeping their inaction habit loops live and well. I would first have this conversation. I already know by this point if I want to work with someone, or not on a deeper level. I vibe! Do you vibe?

I currently don’t experience this in my business because I lay these agreements out powerfully and let people know that they cannot treat me this way and I will not allow it in my house. How are you allowing your guests to treat you in your business.? What are you allowing to be swept up under the rug for it to ripen? Maybe, it’s time to say what you don’t want to say to them.

I say it with love, I say it with confidence and I say it with straight loving desire to help them stoke their inner fire.

They are Guests in my house as I help them in the words… of K.G.B. “Dust the crap off from where they are to what they want.” I have to add “In this one great life.”

Your number one in this one great life

Thanks again for taking the time to read this article. I do hope in some way it serves you.